I can't do this.

It's too hard.

I really really really can't. No matter how much I try to push myself , I can't. It irks me how other people can do that like it happens everyday, but when it really happens to me, which is a total of 3 times, I act like the world as ended. I just can't get up my nerve to do it.

I can't talk to you.

And all of that just really proves how much you're different from other people. And I don't think that sentence really made sense. I can't talk to you like you're an ordinary person, because to me you're not. How the hell do I make you become an ordinary person, like anyone I talk to? I've been trying for 2 whole years and it doesn't work. At this point of time I don't think it will ever work.

There's this quote that tells you to ask yourself whether the matter you're losing sleep over will matter in ten years. And the truth of the matter is I have no idea. I don't know if you'll matter in ten years because you matter a lot to me right now and I don't have the foresight to look ten years into to future, but my guess is probably not. How many things that we have right now will actually matter in ten years?

I just finished mine and my mom's climate survey for school. So yeah I wrote a lot of crap and yeah lol. Tomorrow is e-learning day. And Avril's birthday. Btw it was trending on Twitter earlier today, yay! And Avril's Twitter was hacked. It's funny to see what fame can do to you. Evan, who isn't that famous, has had his twitter for wayyy longer than Avril has, and yet no one has even attempted to hack his twitter, but in such a short span of time Avril's has been hacked. Coool.

And I haven't overlooked your attempts. I'm even more aware of them, if that could be possible, but I just don't know how to respond to them. Can someone tell me what to say and do and how to act in front of you so that I'll respond correctly? I'm so pathetic, I can't even dictate what to say and tell myself what to do. Btw the sentence before the previous one rhymed. I'm so lame.

I got in the list for the 100 free Evan stickers. Haha up to now I still can't believe it. I submitted my info like 9 hours after he posted the link, and I still got in. But it's probably all just a matter of perspective. If I were to sell them on ebay, which I will never ever ever do, no one would buy them. And my BMG shirt is overdue. Seriously.

I hate the fact that I'm sitting here waiting for you to do something, but I can't help it. Maybe I'm too sensitive, but making the first move will make me seem totally desperate, which, let's face it here- I am.

"It's amazing how I can talk about you for hours, but can never actually talk to you."

♥Hazel

You're Still An Innocent :)

Innocent is awesome.

I've been replaying it non-stop all day and I loveee it hahaha. Although when I try to find the actual footage of Swifty performing it, all I get is some people voicing out their reactions. Lame sauce.

It has been sometime since I last posted. I think I just got carried away with other things but I'll try to keep punctual. Like every week. Although the simple truth is that I got reminded to blog because of Evan's blog lol. He posted a really dark post that almost made me cry ;(

Okay so what's upp? Studying, studying and more studying. It all ends in a little more than 2 weeks though so it's not that bad. The first paper is composition for both languages on Friday. So I guess it's lucky that I just started writing a oneshot about Gale and Katniss? haha but I'm less that 3 paragraphs into it and knowing how I write, this oneshot will be long.

And random, but our class guitar's last string popped. But thanks to that I wrote a new riff on my own. No one is willing to pay to get the last string fixed for only 7 more weeks. Too bad for next year's class, they'll be stuck with that guitar for a year. And the class after that unless they fix it.

Btw, you are annoying.

& you know how you wish for something to happen and then instantly feel guilty/ashamed for that? That's basically the story of my life spanning these few weeks. I can easily imagine what I would say if he did that, but if he were to do that in real life I would be speechless and in shock. And then I tell myself it's never gonna happen, but somehow I end up back at the start again. It's a vicious cycle, really.

One last thing before this ends. We're all just emotional teenage girls in never ending crisises aren't we? Well, I don't wanna hear what you're upset about because you have everything. Literally everything. And it doesn't make me feel better to be talking to you and although it hurts, I think I'm just gonna ignore you for now. After all, you're only in on it for the company aren't you? I'll never be that close to you even if I try, and I don't wanna get hurt anymore.

♥hazel