Don't you want to change?

I hate crying but it seems like this time I can't help it. I woke up this morning with sore eyes and I think I still haven't learnt my lesson because I'm crying everytime I think of next year. I'm gonna end up blind someday from this crying, I swear.

I know in about 2 years' time I will look back on this point of time and laugh it off, asking myself why I over reacted so much. The same way I look back 2 years ago and ask myself why I didn't cry when we left. I don't know why this is such a big deal to me but it is. I can't seem to get over it. I went to sleep last night thinking that when I woke up in the morning everything would be back to normal and such but the truth is that it's more real than ever and I'm gonna have to face up to it sometime.

Just not today please?

I feel ungrateful. I got the choice I wanted but I'm still unhappy. They say that if you prepare yourself for your disappointments you won't be that much let down but all that's just crap. I've been preparing myself for this since the start of this year and see where I am now? All along I knew this would be coming but somehow or other I thought I could escape it and everything would be alright.

Somehow when people say 'I've seen better' it makes me wonder whether they've truly seen better or maybe they're just jealous.

I've always been a supporter of the saying 'Ignorance is bliss' because it never lets me down. I wish you could tell me straight up whether you guys are together or not. But then at other times I realise I don't really care.

I'm going to school for two training camps that overlap each other. Cool right? I'll be back on Halloween, kids.

"A smile is a curve that sets everything straight."

♥hazel

I can't decide.

It's ridiculous. I always thought I was decisive up to now. Yes or no, it seems really simple but at the same time it's really not.

I don't want to overcommit. I really don't. But how the hell am I supposed to manage everything if i'm not given a choice? The one thing I hate most is breaking promises. I never thought post exam activities could be that much more hectic than studying. Truth be told I'd rather get back to studying.

I think maybe I'll probably regret it later.

A few days ago I got a text from someone I don't really like. Slutty outfits for a church gathering? I don't think so. I would never on my life go to that not plainly because I dislike you but it's just I'd be so weirdly uncomfortable there I'd probably pass out within ten seconds of getting there. I'm just not that kind of girl.

Do you remember the cutest couple in the world
You know he was a punk and she was daddy's little girl
And graduation came and she wanted him to stay
But he had bigger better dreams waiting out in L.A
And she cried and he cried as the plane flew away
'Cause she never ever wanted it to end that way
And 2 years later she reads in the news
He'd gone on to be a big star but nobody knew
With the change of his name but his heart stayed the same
And every song he wrote was about her he claimed
And he never got to tell her 'cause he died that year
From all of the coke and the pills and the beer
And the whole world cried
But just for one day
'Cause sooner or later the pain goes away
Just another day in Suburbia
It's a beautiful day in Suburbia
Best not let it get the best of you
It is everything you thought it would be?

Isn't that a great song? Lol. Streaming results come out next Thursday. I'm not sure what to hope for but right now I'm hoping for the best and preparing for the worst.

♥haze.l.

PS: YW said she likes the smell of the haze. Awesome.