shut up. you don't know what it was like. we can only go so far, but i won't let you judge me. unless you've been in my shoes. and have walked a mile in them. and only when you're a mile away and have my shoes. have you been there, done that? if not, just keep it down. it's ridiculous? yeah. i'm ridiculous sometimes. deal with it.
i'm not even gonna bother replying. i'll probably regret it later but right now i dont care. you don't know how hard it is. i hope you know you went too far. but if no one's there to tell you, how would you know?
did you really think that would help? please. if you dont have anything nice to say, don't say it.
whatever. i tried to not let myself commit too much but obviously i dont listen to instructions. not even when they come from myself. fine. i have trust issues. so what? everyone has some issues of sort. don't judge me. if you are, see above.
it feels like two months ago.
but i'll just ✖‿✖ .
♥ always,
hazel.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
thank you.
having a fresh perspective on things really makes it a lot easier because for this one she actually knows him personally, shares my mutual 'hate' for him, although i can't decide if i love or hate him, but still, and is amazing to talk to. thanks :)
i know i'm being unfair, but i deserve to right? it's been 68 days. no improvement. i guess it was over zealous of me to expect to recover from 2 years in 2 months. forget you. for now. it's freaking damn hard to let go and sometimes i dont want to. why should i? just because you like someone else(plural)? but then again, you were never mine to start with, so letting go should be easier than it seems. if only.
OCIP is in a little more than a week!!!!!!!!!!! ♪ haha i'm so excited although i have a million things that i have to do before, which does not include packing btw. i really really hope it goes well. my group is doing the bulk of the projects and only 3 people in the so called group are actually working so yeah. thanks a lot. i hope all the past 2-1 people can bunk together, it's gonna be so much fun :)
Avoid with a capital A. and what did that give me? she asked me that and i was at a loss for words. i can't exactly say closure, because i know that up to now i still dont have it. some time to heal i guess? but i know that time is not enough. i need something else, but i dont know what it is and i dont think anyone can tell me either. like she said, it's my choice. i wish it didnt have to be. can someone help me run my life now?
it's so hard to let go.
this coming week is short. four days and i'm looking forward to thursday. i hope we'll be able to get all the OCIP preparations done in time though.
"it's not enough, it's not enough, to get me what it is i want. and i wish it was. i think it's time to give this up."
and he said, "i'll spear your heart for breakfast."
♥ always,
hazel
i know i'm being unfair, but i deserve to right? it's been 68 days. no improvement. i guess it was over zealous of me to expect to recover from 2 years in 2 months. forget you. for now. it's freaking damn hard to let go and sometimes i dont want to. why should i? just because you like someone else(plural)? but then again, you were never mine to start with, so letting go should be easier than it seems. if only.
OCIP is in a little more than a week!!!!!!!!!!! ♪ haha i'm so excited although i have a million things that i have to do before, which does not include packing btw. i really really hope it goes well. my group is doing the bulk of the projects and only 3 people in the so called group are actually working so yeah. thanks a lot. i hope all the past 2-1 people can bunk together, it's gonna be so much fun :)
Avoid with a capital A. and what did that give me? she asked me that and i was at a loss for words. i can't exactly say closure, because i know that up to now i still dont have it. some time to heal i guess? but i know that time is not enough. i need something else, but i dont know what it is and i dont think anyone can tell me either. like she said, it's my choice. i wish it didnt have to be. can someone help me run my life now?
it's so hard to let go.
this coming week is short. four days and i'm looking forward to thursday. i hope we'll be able to get all the OCIP preparations done in time though.
"it's not enough, it's not enough, to get me what it is i want. and i wish it was. i think it's time to give this up."
and he said, "i'll spear your heart for breakfast."
♥ always,
hazel
Monday, May 16, 2011
we're paying with love tonight.
our exchanges are limited, but when they happen, they're totally worth it.
So... i'm not really sure what happened last weekend but I'll try my best to untangle my thoughts. Let's start on Saturday. I was so caught up with celebrating Complicated's 9th year anniversary that I totally forgot something else that happened on that day exactly two months ago. another way in which Avril wins. :) So saturday passed uneventfully and i only realised about it the next day, and of course i had to go to church. melanie came with me and to cut a long story short, it was terrible. i dont ever wanna go back there again because i dont want to get hurt anymore. even melanie told me to get out of that place and i'm starting to think i should too. but where to?
I don't want to see his stupid jerkface ever again. he's such a three timer. in chinese they have that saying where both of your legs straddle two boats, but in this case he seems to have three legs. i hope he's an ugly octopus by the end of his life. jerkkk. he ruined my whole day but then later i just forgot about it, because such a lame, proud and stupid guy like him doesn't deserve my attention.
The good point out of my whole Sunday was that i went to get contacts and i managed to get them on in about 5ish mins. yayyyy :) so then after that i rushed home and tried to do homework, but i was too distracted by our mutual hate for a certain boy, even though hers was totally non BGRish but still, it's something right?
And so now i'm starting to see why she(totally someone else that i hate/hated) wanted to wait, and i totally think she's making the right choice, but it'd be better if she didnt like him at all. no one should like such a jerk. he even tries to limit my vocabulary, but i admit i haven't had much experience in describing such people.
Okay we're over with that. Today I got back bio and missed my A by 0.2 marks, but oh well. what can i do. Avril, it's all your fault. JKJK i never regretted seeing her.
i really really dont want to bring it up anymore. because the last time i did so you got totally angry at me, as if it's my fault that you're ignoring us, as if i have to pay for a mistake that you made. and i just want to tell you that it's not her fault. it's YOURS. all completely YOURS. so stop telling her what mistake YOU made, because what part of your mistake that she made, she's already made up for it. you? you're all words, no action. you said you'd change. heck, i don't even remember that. you just got so angry and guilt tripped me into forgiving you.
whatever. i feel like punching both of you in the face. maybe you should just get together, one jerk, and one hypocrite. makes a good match, no?
♥always,
hazel
So... i'm not really sure what happened last weekend but I'll try my best to untangle my thoughts. Let's start on Saturday. I was so caught up with celebrating Complicated's 9th year anniversary that I totally forgot something else that happened on that day exactly two months ago. another way in which Avril wins. :) So saturday passed uneventfully and i only realised about it the next day, and of course i had to go to church. melanie came with me and to cut a long story short, it was terrible. i dont ever wanna go back there again because i dont want to get hurt anymore. even melanie told me to get out of that place and i'm starting to think i should too. but where to?
I don't want to see his stupid jerkface ever again. he's such a three timer. in chinese they have that saying where both of your legs straddle two boats, but in this case he seems to have three legs. i hope he's an ugly octopus by the end of his life. jerkkk. he ruined my whole day but then later i just forgot about it, because such a lame, proud and stupid guy like him doesn't deserve my attention.
The good point out of my whole Sunday was that i went to get contacts and i managed to get them on in about 5ish mins. yayyyy :) so then after that i rushed home and tried to do homework, but i was too distracted by our mutual hate for a certain boy, even though hers was totally non BGRish but still, it's something right?
And so now i'm starting to see why she(totally someone else that i hate/hated) wanted to wait, and i totally think she's making the right choice, but it'd be better if she didnt like him at all. no one should like such a jerk. he even tries to limit my vocabulary, but i admit i haven't had much experience in describing such people.
Okay we're over with that. Today I got back bio and missed my A by 0.2 marks, but oh well. what can i do. Avril, it's all your fault. JKJK i never regretted seeing her.
i really really dont want to bring it up anymore. because the last time i did so you got totally angry at me, as if it's my fault that you're ignoring us, as if i have to pay for a mistake that you made. and i just want to tell you that it's not her fault. it's YOURS. all completely YOURS. so stop telling her what mistake YOU made, because what part of your mistake that she made, she's already made up for it. you? you're all words, no action. you said you'd change. heck, i don't even remember that. you just got so angry and guilt tripped me into forgiving you.
whatever. i feel like punching both of you in the face. maybe you should just get together, one jerk, and one hypocrite. makes a good match, no?
♥always,
hazel
Monday, May 09, 2011
SMILE
Avril was so fan-freaking-tabulous i feel like jumping off a building.
Thennn someone, couldn't see his face played WYG and Avril sat on the piano to sing for us :D And then she proceeded to play Stop Standing There on piano. After that she sang I Love You, Wish You Were Here and she covered Airplanes by B.o.B plus My Happy Ending. I loveddd her guitars, one was the checkered black and white one, the other was the pink one :D
BUT WAIT! The crowd started yelling 'encore' and after like 5 mins she came back out!!! I think that was planned but yeah. Then she did an acapella version of WTH where we sang/yelled with her. After that was the wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy hyped up Girlfriend and that was, truly the last song :(
LOVE HER ♥
That was my calm sentence. now for my uncontrolled sentence. AHHHHHHHHHHHH NCSDFHEUWE I CANT BELIEVE I SAW HER TODAY SHE'S SO AMAZING AND AWESOME AND PRETTY AND TALENTED AND SHE LOVES US AND WE LOVE HER AND YAY.
Okay. Okay. So she was on time today! Can't believe it. It started with Bad Reputation video intro and then she went into Black Star. She was holding one of those green star light up things, so ahmazingggg. Then after she went into What The Hell, then Sk8r Boi, then He Wasn't, I Always Get What I Want, and then she went to change :D
When she came out again the whole stage was totally covered in fog and then she did Alice! After the song she was like " haha i'm glad that's over, i couldn't see anything, could you?" So adorableeee! ♥ Then a short break and Jim and Steve did a mashup of Unwanted, and Freak Out guitar solos. they were so talented hahaha.
Thennn someone, couldn't see his face played WYG and Avril sat on the piano to sing for us :D And then she proceeded to play Stop Standing There on piano. After that she sang I Love You, Wish You Were Here and she covered Airplanes by B.o.B plus My Happy Ending. I loveddd her guitars, one was the checkered black and white one, the other was the pink one :D
After that was Don't Tell Me, and I'm With You, and last(sort of) COMPLICATEDDDD. she didn't even sing half of that song, we sang it for her :D then she said goodnight and went backstage. and some girls pushed their way out to go and wait for her at the exits.
BUT WAIT! The crowd started yelling 'encore' and after like 5 mins she came back out!!! I think that was planned but yeah. Then she did an acapella version of WTH where we sang/yelled with her. After that was the wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy hyped up Girlfriend and that was, truly the last song :(
I got a shirt today. it looks official even though it's not, and it was only $13!! Compared to the prices there. 50 freaking bucks for a shirt. talk about overpriced. but i got a glowstick though! and that was kind of reasonable.
ignore the hand below :/
LOVE HER ♥
♥ always,
hazel
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