"hush hush the world is quiet. hush hush we both can't fight it."
I've realized how unhappy my posts are so this will be a positive one. As positive as it can get, anyway.
TGIF! this week as been alrightish but busy. class tests, cramming for CTs, frantic revision, you get the picture. i hate how fast time passes. in the blink of an eye you'll be gone and you'll leave me behind for another year. sigh. but all good things have to end in order for even better things to happen. my story got more reviews this week, but not as much as i expected, hopefully it'll get better as i post more.
so thankful that i found my capo. i didn't realise until i lost it how many songs i couldn't play without it and i was so desperate that i used a pencil and rubber band but then that failed since my pencil broke D: youtube lies to me. and yes, my acoustic's strings are that awesome.
i found this new awesome youtuber that covers GL songs and so i learnt what the hell off her :) if i have time this coming week or next i'm planning to learn smile(if it doesn't prove too difficult), stop standing there, push, complete me and maybe some others. now that i have my capo back i feel i can play any song :D gahhh it irritates me that i can't play not enough. the intro is freaking hard but that's my favourite part of my favourite song :'( damnnnn why does evan like stringed intros/bridges so much? but they take the song to a whole other level though.
why am i letting him affect me so much all of a sudden? ridiculous. i'm ridiculous.
"well you thought of straight big solutions. but i like the tension and not always knowing the answers."
i hope everything turns out okay.
♥ always,
hazel
Friday, July 29, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
the story of me and you.
i've probably already used this title before but who cares.
you wanna move on, we're righting the wrong, it's never been easy. we're not giving up, it's gonna be tough, but baby believe me.
this relationship has gone askew. it feels so messed up and so damaged that i don't think we can ever recover anymore. sometimes i ask myself how this all began and i honestly cannot remember. maybe it's been building up for a while, just waiting for the chance to break down. i miss how we were before. i really want to fix everything but it's so hard. it's so much easier to just let this be. i wish i had this switch that i could control and just turn off all my emotions.
even though i claim to be a writer sometimes i just can't find the words to express myself anymore but he does it so perfectly so i'm gonna let him.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWjCz6mUVuQ
♥ always,
hazel.
you wanna move on, we're righting the wrong, it's never been easy. we're not giving up, it's gonna be tough, but baby believe me.
this relationship has gone askew. it feels so messed up and so damaged that i don't think we can ever recover anymore. sometimes i ask myself how this all began and i honestly cannot remember. maybe it's been building up for a while, just waiting for the chance to break down. i miss how we were before. i really want to fix everything but it's so hard. it's so much easier to just let this be. i wish i had this switch that i could control and just turn off all my emotions.
even though i claim to be a writer sometimes i just can't find the words to express myself anymore but he does it so perfectly so i'm gonna let him.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWjCz6mUVuQ
♥ always,
hazel.
numb
so well, I'm tired of being reliable. why don't i try being unreliable sometime and see how you guys cope? it's time to learn some independence, kids. otherwise, i wash my hands of you. you can do what you like from now on, how does that sound? i really would, if not for someone who convinced me not to. For now i'll just let them take care of it. just for now. I know i shouldn't be doing this to her but i can't handle it, really.
I wonder if she had the same thing happen to her? maybe i'm just too weak and not much of a leader to begin with so that's why she has to step in. honestly, at this point i dont care anymore because it's just too tiring to pick up after them. maybe i should be less emotionally attached and compartmentalise my emotions from my work. never mind if they hate me (which they already do) but at least i wont be disappointed. that sounds like a good strategy right?
but i'm grateful, to say the least. everytime i think we've reached the end of our rope she goes on and surprises me more. so maybe this is the good thing about not expecting anything, let people surprise you instead. much less baggage to carry around too. so to you, who's reading this right now, go on. surprise me, make my day.
well maybe i should let go but it's not my fault that i have such amazing seniors right?
♥ always,
hazel
I wonder if she had the same thing happen to her? maybe i'm just too weak and not much of a leader to begin with so that's why she has to step in. honestly, at this point i dont care anymore because it's just too tiring to pick up after them. maybe i should be less emotionally attached and compartmentalise my emotions from my work. never mind if they hate me (which they already do) but at least i wont be disappointed. that sounds like a good strategy right?
but i'm grateful, to say the least. everytime i think we've reached the end of our rope she goes on and surprises me more. so maybe this is the good thing about not expecting anything, let people surprise you instead. much less baggage to carry around too. so to you, who's reading this right now, go on. surprise me, make my day.
well maybe i should let go but it's not my fault that i have such amazing seniors right?
♥ always,
hazel
Thursday, July 14, 2011
here we go again.
It's really funny how things work sometimes.
Let's start with the very beginning of this horrible day. First of all, it's Thursday and that alone isn't good news. I don't really want to talk about it anymore so let's just say that asdfghjkl happened. (ugh by the way i keep wanting to plug in my laptop but i realise at the same time that my charger is all the way across the room and i don't wanna go get it. but hey, that's what batteries are for right?) alright so... all i can say is that i have no more respect for you. Maybe I did in the beginning, a small scrap of it but now that's gone too.
I was really pleased when they all showed up on time today. So it was really unusual but PTL for that :) when everything was over... i wasn't just disappointed by what she said to us, or even what she did. it was what she overlooked. the girls doing it today made a huge load of effort, and i should know. they showed up early on tuesday when they could've slept in, showed up on time today when they could've been late. can't you freaking acknowledge that? i mean, i was once like you too, but after a while i've come to realise that you can't expect too much of them, or else you'll be the one that's disappointed. why don't you take a walk in my shoes for a second, see how it's like for me to be balancing things on both ends? and please. don't think you know everything, because you really don't. praising Him is a matter of whether we want to or not, and it doesn't have to be perfect. because it's the thought that counts.
And believe it or not, even if i'm in exco: i'm still human, and i make mistakes. It's not fair how just because you're sleeping your lazy ass in and don't see the effort we put in then you automatically assume that we didn't put in any effort at all. I don't know, maybe it's from years of expecting too much from these girls that you always come to expect the worst. I don't think that last sentence made any sense so let's move on.
Alright so... it's the 14TH OF JULY! Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 is out today! and i'm watching on sunday :) although i think it won't go well with ben, maybe we should try to cover and say we're watching monte carlo instead?
Speaking of the 14th... can you remember what happened 4 months ago? today i was awake and replaying the events in my head when i realised it doesn't hurt so much anymore. so imagine my confundedness when i saw what happened on facebook just an hour ago. they're over? are they over for good? did they even start? the most important question is: do i want them to be over? but... two weeks ago they were perfectly fine. why does she have to do this to him? it's not fair. it's not fair when she makes him wait and then says that they can't do this anymore. it's so confusing on about a hundred different levels.
by the way, during the course of typing this, i've decided that i won't cover up for their mistakes anymore. they need to learn a lesson. and where can i find a better person to do that than our dearest lovely ______? she will certainly put them in their place because that's what she does best, isn't it? and i've been on duty nearly everyday since school started. i think it's only fair that i not be there until it's my duty for real. and i'm not going to show up on tuesdays either. they don't practice? their fault. you want to make sure they do? sure, be my guest, but i'm not going to be the one sacrificing my sleep for them when you clearly don't appreciate it. it's about freaking time you showed us how much of a leader you really are by stepping up and leading us instead of throwing it all to me. screw this.
mmm. his lovely eyes. i could die happy in those beautiful gray eyes ♥
♥always,
hazel
Let's start with the very beginning of this horrible day. First of all, it's Thursday and that alone isn't good news. I don't really want to talk about it anymore so let's just say that asdfghjkl happened. (ugh by the way i keep wanting to plug in my laptop but i realise at the same time that my charger is all the way across the room and i don't wanna go get it. but hey, that's what batteries are for right?) alright so... all i can say is that i have no more respect for you. Maybe I did in the beginning, a small scrap of it but now that's gone too.
I was really pleased when they all showed up on time today. So it was really unusual but PTL for that :) when everything was over... i wasn't just disappointed by what she said to us, or even what she did. it was what she overlooked. the girls doing it today made a huge load of effort, and i should know. they showed up early on tuesday when they could've slept in, showed up on time today when they could've been late. can't you freaking acknowledge that? i mean, i was once like you too, but after a while i've come to realise that you can't expect too much of them, or else you'll be the one that's disappointed. why don't you take a walk in my shoes for a second, see how it's like for me to be balancing things on both ends? and please. don't think you know everything, because you really don't. praising Him is a matter of whether we want to or not, and it doesn't have to be perfect. because it's the thought that counts.
And believe it or not, even if i'm in exco: i'm still human, and i make mistakes. It's not fair how just because you're sleeping your lazy ass in and don't see the effort we put in then you automatically assume that we didn't put in any effort at all. I don't know, maybe it's from years of expecting too much from these girls that you always come to expect the worst. I don't think that last sentence made any sense so let's move on.
Alright so... it's the 14TH OF JULY! Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 is out today! and i'm watching on sunday :) although i think it won't go well with ben, maybe we should try to cover and say we're watching monte carlo instead?
Speaking of the 14th... can you remember what happened 4 months ago? today i was awake and replaying the events in my head when i realised it doesn't hurt so much anymore. so imagine my confundedness when i saw what happened on facebook just an hour ago. they're over? are they over for good? did they even start? the most important question is: do i want them to be over? but... two weeks ago they were perfectly fine. why does she have to do this to him? it's not fair. it's not fair when she makes him wait and then says that they can't do this anymore. it's so confusing on about a hundred different levels.
by the way, during the course of typing this, i've decided that i won't cover up for their mistakes anymore. they need to learn a lesson. and where can i find a better person to do that than our dearest lovely ______? she will certainly put them in their place because that's what she does best, isn't it? and i've been on duty nearly everyday since school started. i think it's only fair that i not be there until it's my duty for real. and i'm not going to show up on tuesdays either. they don't practice? their fault. you want to make sure they do? sure, be my guest, but i'm not going to be the one sacrificing my sleep for them when you clearly don't appreciate it. it's about freaking time you showed us how much of a leader you really are by stepping up and leading us instead of throwing it all to me. screw this.
mmm. his lovely eyes. i could die happy in those beautiful gray eyes ♥
♥always,
hazel
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