numb

so well, I'm tired of being reliable. why don't i try being unreliable sometime and see how you guys cope? it's time to learn some independence, kids. otherwise, i wash my hands of you. you can do what you like from now on, how does that sound? i really would, if not for someone who convinced me not to. For now i'll just let them take care of it. just for now. I know i shouldn't be doing this to her but i can't handle it, really.



I wonder if she had the same thing happen to her? maybe i'm just too weak and not much of a leader to begin with so that's why she has to step in. honestly, at this point i dont care anymore because it's just too tiring to pick up after them. maybe i should be less emotionally attached and compartmentalise my emotions from my work. never mind if they hate me (which they already do) but at least i wont be disappointed. that sounds like a good strategy right?



but i'm grateful, to say the least. everytime i think we've reached the end of our rope she goes on and surprises me more. so maybe this is the good thing about not expecting anything, let people surprise you instead. much less baggage to carry around too. so to you, who's reading this right now, go on. surprise me, make my day.





well maybe i should let go but it's not my fault that i have such amazing seniors right?

♥ always,
hazel