Look what you've done.

Let's rewind back a few days alright?

I'm being completely honest with myself and you right now. I didn't think the camp was all that successful and I didn't feel the magic of it all on the last day. There was just something missing from it. I wrote a note to everyone I worked with telling them how much I enjoyed working with them and that part isn't a lie. But I just didn't feel that I did a good job leading 1-5. Maybe if I was better in leading their finale night wouldn't have been such a disaster. I don't know why everyone is saying finale night is such a success when to me, it clearly isn't. I don't have to pretend I loved loved loved the camp here and it's better that i don't.

I don't understand why the camp was such a huge success for everyone else and here I am, trying to convince myself that it is but failing. I don't think anyone else thinks the same as I do but that's okay since it's soley my fault that 1-5 didn't perform as well as the other classes. I still don't know how to get them to listen to me. If i was better this wouldn't have happened. No way.

Then I got home and suddenly everything around me started falling apart and I don't know how to fix it. Maybe I should just let the other party fix it. Why should I be the one trying all the time? it's not fair.

And now I finally see it. I don't mean anything to you at all and all this time I was putting you really high on my priorities list when I was no where near the top of it on yours. So now I'm throwing away my mental priorities list but when I do that, I question myself about whether this person really deserves to be taken for granted and then I answer no, which then leads me back to square one. You don't deserve any more chances but I know I'll end up giving you one and get hurt again.

I almost hurt another person today because I thought you remembered. Turns out you didn't, and that person was innocent. She doesn't deserve to be thrown out from her seat and I almost did, only to realise that you didn't give a damn about me. You're the one who doesn't deserve anything at all. I'm so sick and tired of your carefree attitude. The day that you learn to appreciate me is the day I'll forgive you and stop holding grudges, but it's gonna be a long wait.

Don't say I'm sensitive because this isn't the first time that this happened. You don't keep your promises and I'm so tired of putting up with your excuses and apologies. How will I even know if you'll adhere to them? What about next time? Can I trust you the next time you make me a promise? I don't think so.

How the hell would it feel if I cancelled on you, if I twirled you round my little finger and if I took your feelings and stepped all over them? Think about it, alright?

you're not sorry. why don't i ever learn? people don't ever change, no matter how sorry they are.

♥hazel.