What's uppp

Yay I'm back!

And I just finished uploading some overdue pictures in my camera. It always pays off to be the one that takes the photos because you can delete your unglams later on and post other peoples'. Hehehe. Can you say paparazzi much?

Today I went to YW's house to make teacher's day cards with Rad and Jamie. We were VERY unproductive, and I think in the end we only finished like three cards. Failll lol. We were slacking off on the computer and eating fried bee hoon and cheese tofu and drinking guava juice with egg mixed in it. hahaha.

I had bangs cut today! They look really awesome lolll. Other than that nothing much happened though.

I'm going to Sentosa tomorrow. Remember what I said in my previous post? Scratch that. I'm really excited haha. I haven't been to Sentosa/Vivo for more than a year because I have no life. >.>

& that reminds me that I haven't packed for tomorrow at all. The night is still young and I'm off to download some songs hehehe.

PS: I changed the blogskin. Pretty radd yeah?
♥hazel

I have no more excuses...

To stay away from here anymore. So first up: I gave up on the letter challenge. Surpriseee. The letters are kind of third degree and yeah. I'm a total loser.

Nexttt. So this is a warning for the coming post. I apologise if it's gonna be what you get when you're feeling down or whatever but I've been reading too much of Evan's blog lately so maybe that can explain this post. It's not dark or whatever but still I felt like I had to warn you. Here goes.

I think I'm confusing myself. One moment I think, hey, it's okay to _________ even though that happened last time. And what happened was good and it should have happened. But then an hour or so later I will start thinking, oh no, I can't do that, it's wayyy too embarrassing. So I don't know what's up with me. Did you understand that? Because I didn't lol.

Sometimes I wonder if maybe I had responded differently or been more daring or less daring would things turn out differently. Or maybe if I had made an effort. Would it make a difference? Or would things just be the same?

"Losing something is easy when you have nothing." I stole that off Ev's blog. (Btw I just made my wish. 11:11.) On the contrary, I would think it's harder. Although in theory, how can you lose something when you have nothing at all? That's only proving that you once thought that you had that something, only to discover that it's not yours at all. Same with if you feel betrayed, then that only proves that there was trust in the first place. All these things just make us as about transparent as glass.

So this Sunday I'm going to Sentosa with my cell. I'm hoping it'll be fun, and I'm not saying this cynically, but it probably won't. Call me pessimist if you must. And my 11:11 wish was somehow related to that.

I wish I had something that could help me see into the future, like for example if I make a choice, I get to see what that choice will result in, or if I say something, how the other person would react. Or maybe something that can tell me how things could have turned out if I did this or if I did that, etc. But I know that's entirely impossible so I'd better stop thinking about it.

I promise I won't be like this the next time I come back.

♥hazel

HIATUS ;(

Okay so this letter thing has become more of a drag than fun for me lately. My OCDness has been pestering me to get online everyday to post my blog and usually I feel so museless and so I write out really short letters. Maybe some of you guys reading my letters have absolutely no issue with that but I kind of do haha. Maybe I expect too much of myself but whatever. &&& Exams are coming up which gives me another excuse to stay away from here. So what's gonna happen is that I'll only update this on the weekends, namely Saturday and Sunday, and possibly Friday as well. Maybe the coming Monday as well since it's National Day? We'll see. No promises because I value quantity AND quality.

♥ lots,
hazel

Day 14- Someone I Have Drifted Away From

Day 14- August 1st 2010

Dear Kae,

Hi there. It was awesome knowing you and RP-ing with you. Although the time we knew each other was kind of short, we were really good friends. I kind of suck when it comes to long distance relationships as shown. I don't know how it ended but we kind of drifted as the days went on.
So now recently I tried emailing you and such but either you don't remember who I am or you aren't using that email account anymore. Or maybe you just don't go online anymore. It's been what, 2 years since we last talked and I kind of miss that tbh haha.

I miss you.

♥hazel

Day 13- A Person I Wish Could Forgive Me

Day 13- 31st July 2010

Hi there,

First of all, I just wanna tell you I'm really sorry. It was a misunderstanding at that point of time but I never got to tell you that before you left. Believe me, if I could go back in time and change what I did I will.
I've been friends with you for the longest time, longer than anyone else. I still can't believe that we let something as minor as that come between our six years of friendship. I can't tell you I'm sorry because I'm completely out of touch with you. I just hope that maybe you will stumble across this blog one day and read all of this. The odds are kind of stacked against that but whatever.

I'm sorry.

♥hazel

Day 12- The Person I Hate The Most

Day 12- July 30th 2010

Yeah I know my letters have been short lately so today I'm gonna make up for it by writing two letters for the same day. Here goes.

Hi stranger.

To be honest, I think I never really forgived you. I find it hard to believe that we were once best friends a long time ago and that I really trusted you back then. You made me believe in everything you said and you lied to me. I hate you for that. Worst of all I found out only a long while later that you were just a backstabbing bitch out to get me for nothing. I always thought you were on my side but it turns out that you were working behind the scenes all along.

I was naive enough to believe you and to turn on one of my best friends and because of you, we're not on that good terms anymore. You surely didn't show any shame or remorse at all when I called you out for all your lies, and personally I don't think you're capable of any of that. I hate myself most of all for letting myself believe you and being so gullible. I always thought you were that innocent little girl but it turned out differently. I don't know where you are right now and if you even remember me but I hope you're guilty for what you did.

♥hazel

The Person That Caused Me The Most Pain

Dear _____,

This is fucking ironic and I feel pathetic. I just wrote about you a week ago and now I'm writing about you again, this time from a whole different perspective.

To begin, I don't hate you, rather the opposite and I can't help myself. You made me cry countless of times with the things that you did and the worst thing is that you don't even know that. I wish I could tell you and let you know about the many things that you did that hurt me but I can't. And I don't want to seem like a whiny person because I'm not.

Sometimes when I'm fully down to earth and facing reality, I tell myself that we will never be together. But then when that happens, you do something that makes me think otherwise and make me go off into dreamland where I think anything is possible. Maybe you're doing it on purpose but I think that's entirely impossible. And then you do something that makes me fall back down into harsh reality again and the cycle repeats.

I have to admit that one of my friends know about this and she hates you for what you did/are doing to me. I don't know if she's on the right track for hating you, because I can't bring myself to hate you or forget you no matter how hard I try. Even after a year of no contact, when I see you, I'm just back to square one again. So thanks.

♥hazel

Day 11- A Deceased Person I Wish I Could Talk To

Day 11- July 29th 2010

Hi.

I think I feel sort of like a jinx because you died the day when I was born. I know it probably has nothing to do with me at all but still. I never got to know you as well as I'd like to but the fact that rarely anyone gets to know their great grandparents comforts me. My parents keep talking about how your cooking rocks and how you were such a nice person overall. And I don't even know your name. How suckish is that? & LOL my mom said you made me a blanket and I still keep it hehe. It's still in my room.
So basically I wish I knew you and had the chance to talk to you.

♥hazel

Day 10- Someone You Don't Talk To Much

Day 10- July 28 2010

Hi,

So I know ever since two years ago we haven't been talking much, but I wanna tell you that you've been an awesome friend. I'm a personal witness to this. You provide assistance whenever someone in our group needs it and you're always there whenver someone needs you. In group work I can always count on you to get things done and to get the rest of the group to co-operate and thanks a lot for doing that. We don't talk as much as I'd like us to talk but for now it's improving, so yay. I don't know if I'll still be in the same class as you next year and I possibly doubt so, but I hope we keep in touch.

♥ hazel

Day 9- Someone I Wish I Could Meet

Day 9- July 26th 2010

Dear someone,

This is gonna be pretty lame because I'm writing to a celebrity. Bear with me.

Hi. I know you came here already in 2008 and I think everyone would laugh if they knew I had withdrawal symptoms (MINOR ones) after you left. Well, they sort of do now. I'm jealous everytime I look at pictures other fans have with you so yeah haha. It's pretty pathetic of me to say that I don't have any of your CDs(legit ones) and have only been to one tour but still. SCHEDULE A MEET AND GREET PLEASE??? I would be so happy if you did. & do us a favour and hurry with the record.

♥ hazel

Day 8- Internet Friend

Day 8- July 25th 2010

Hi best internet friend!

Lol wow. It's really hard to say what would and what wouldn't have happened if I hadn't met you. & when I think back to that time, it totally wouldn't have happened if something I wished for so badly were to happen. Did that make sense? Lolll. & I really appreciate you more than you'd ever know.
And thanks for helping me with him (haha). Even though it didn't work out as we wanted to? It's hard to exactly describe our friendship and I get confused by the complexity of it sometimes. But maybe it's best just to let it be and see how things turn out.
One of the reasons that I'm thankful for you is that you're as crazy as I am about two certain people! It's pretty hard to find someone that matches up because if I talk to anyone else about it then they'd go crazy of boredom. So thanks =)
I love talking to you because you are awesomeee. Simple as that.
So I know it seems as if we're all fun and jokes but under that all I hope there's something else?

♥hazel