Meow.

Um YES. I'm back this soon. Twitter is going insane apparently because Bieber is coming to Singapore. And I had to retype his last name 3 times because my keyboard wouldn't allow me to type it. JK. I'm starting to think he voiced Ash in pokemon in the later series just because their voices are so raspy.

And uhhh. I feel kind of lost today somehow.

I can't believe Bieber's coming to Singapore!!! And okay I'm freaking out too but for a whole different reason. I thought he'd be one of those singers whom you hear about all the time but never get to see live. Lol I'm a sadist in my own way. I kind of wish he wasn't coming so all the Singaporean Bieber fans would be sad.

Um okay scratch that. And yes if someone retorted with Avril not coming here I'd retort back that at least I got to see her live once before. Fair enough, yeah? I think I'd get annihilated by Beliebers(is that how you spell it??) if they ever came on here.

And like seriouslyyy. Are you trying to impress all of us with constantly saying you're writing songs? I'm not trying to be mean but honestly. If you 'can't find the words to rhyme' then you can 'repeat the words over and over'. That's why music these days suck. And yeah maybe those weren't the exact words but you know what I mean. According to your theory we can just have a song fully based on the word 'Hi'. That rhymes right? Sorryyy but that's what I really think.

Whatever man. The coming week's gonna be really exciting. Monday: rehearsals for sec 1 camp. Tuesday: Narnia or something. Wednesday: Cover with Rad. Thursday through Sunday: camp. Cool right? And maybe sleepover a while after that.

And right now there's nothing I love more than my sweetheart:


♥ Hazel.

We're neither here nor there.

There are a lot of things I'd like to say which might seem inappropriate.

Think clean and go figure.

I can't believe it's December already.. less than a month left until the proverbial DD comes. A lot's been happening lately and I can't exactly pin point the cause of it all. Now it seems like everything is set in stone and I can't change anything even if I try. I've been playing PC mystery games lately at night and I guess it's my own fault that I scare myself into thinking there's a serial murderer lurking in the shadows of my house.

And this is the best news so far- Avril's 4th record is coming out 8th March next year!! I'm so psyched for it. I kinda wish my birthday were in March instead of January. Following that thought I wish January was March and March was January. Hehe.

I love Evan on twitter. A few days ago he managed to praise Avril, indirectly @reply me, and indirectly insult Bieber with just one tweet. Spread some Evril love yeah!? I just think twitter is for stalking celebs. Lol and facebook has been bugging me non-stop to change to the new profile which looks cluttered and.. not nice. Almost everyone has changed to it.. I'll just play by myself then.

What else we got? Ohyeah. Me and Rad are posting two covers next week. I have less than a week left and I'm still not practicing 2 hours a day like I said I would. Reallyyy have to get Back to December nailed. It's all because of the freaking F note that i can't perfect. I know there's another Bm version but it doesn't sound as nice as the other one. She's in Thailand now, wonder how's it like there? haha.

I'm so exciteddd for Goodbye Lullaby. The album cover is amazing, check it:

I love it. With exception of her foot sticking out haha. I'm deifinitely going for her concert late next year, who's up for that?

♥ Hazel.

Don't you want to change?

I hate crying but it seems like this time I can't help it. I woke up this morning with sore eyes and I think I still haven't learnt my lesson because I'm crying everytime I think of next year. I'm gonna end up blind someday from this crying, I swear.

I know in about 2 years' time I will look back on this point of time and laugh it off, asking myself why I over reacted so much. The same way I look back 2 years ago and ask myself why I didn't cry when we left. I don't know why this is such a big deal to me but it is. I can't seem to get over it. I went to sleep last night thinking that when I woke up in the morning everything would be back to normal and such but the truth is that it's more real than ever and I'm gonna have to face up to it sometime.

Just not today please?

I feel ungrateful. I got the choice I wanted but I'm still unhappy. They say that if you prepare yourself for your disappointments you won't be that much let down but all that's just crap. I've been preparing myself for this since the start of this year and see where I am now? All along I knew this would be coming but somehow or other I thought I could escape it and everything would be alright.

Somehow when people say 'I've seen better' it makes me wonder whether they've truly seen better or maybe they're just jealous.

I've always been a supporter of the saying 'Ignorance is bliss' because it never lets me down. I wish you could tell me straight up whether you guys are together or not. But then at other times I realise I don't really care.

I'm going to school for two training camps that overlap each other. Cool right? I'll be back on Halloween, kids.

"A smile is a curve that sets everything straight."

♥hazel

I can't decide.

It's ridiculous. I always thought I was decisive up to now. Yes or no, it seems really simple but at the same time it's really not.

I don't want to overcommit. I really don't. But how the hell am I supposed to manage everything if i'm not given a choice? The one thing I hate most is breaking promises. I never thought post exam activities could be that much more hectic than studying. Truth be told I'd rather get back to studying.

I think maybe I'll probably regret it later.

A few days ago I got a text from someone I don't really like. Slutty outfits for a church gathering? I don't think so. I would never on my life go to that not plainly because I dislike you but it's just I'd be so weirdly uncomfortable there I'd probably pass out within ten seconds of getting there. I'm just not that kind of girl.

Do you remember the cutest couple in the world
You know he was a punk and she was daddy's little girl
And graduation came and she wanted him to stay
But he had bigger better dreams waiting out in L.A
And she cried and he cried as the plane flew away
'Cause she never ever wanted it to end that way
And 2 years later she reads in the news
He'd gone on to be a big star but nobody knew
With the change of his name but his heart stayed the same
And every song he wrote was about her he claimed
And he never got to tell her 'cause he died that year
From all of the coke and the pills and the beer
And the whole world cried
But just for one day
'Cause sooner or later the pain goes away
Just another day in Suburbia
It's a beautiful day in Suburbia
Best not let it get the best of you
It is everything you thought it would be?

Isn't that a great song? Lol. Streaming results come out next Thursday. I'm not sure what to hope for but right now I'm hoping for the best and preparing for the worst.

♥haze.l.

PS: YW said she likes the smell of the haze. Awesome.

I can't do this.

It's too hard.

I really really really can't. No matter how much I try to push myself , I can't. It irks me how other people can do that like it happens everyday, but when it really happens to me, which is a total of 3 times, I act like the world as ended. I just can't get up my nerve to do it.

I can't talk to you.

And all of that just really proves how much you're different from other people. And I don't think that sentence really made sense. I can't talk to you like you're an ordinary person, because to me you're not. How the hell do I make you become an ordinary person, like anyone I talk to? I've been trying for 2 whole years and it doesn't work. At this point of time I don't think it will ever work.

There's this quote that tells you to ask yourself whether the matter you're losing sleep over will matter in ten years. And the truth of the matter is I have no idea. I don't know if you'll matter in ten years because you matter a lot to me right now and I don't have the foresight to look ten years into to future, but my guess is probably not. How many things that we have right now will actually matter in ten years?

I just finished mine and my mom's climate survey for school. So yeah I wrote a lot of crap and yeah lol. Tomorrow is e-learning day. And Avril's birthday. Btw it was trending on Twitter earlier today, yay! And Avril's Twitter was hacked. It's funny to see what fame can do to you. Evan, who isn't that famous, has had his twitter for wayyy longer than Avril has, and yet no one has even attempted to hack his twitter, but in such a short span of time Avril's has been hacked. Coool.

And I haven't overlooked your attempts. I'm even more aware of them, if that could be possible, but I just don't know how to respond to them. Can someone tell me what to say and do and how to act in front of you so that I'll respond correctly? I'm so pathetic, I can't even dictate what to say and tell myself what to do. Btw the sentence before the previous one rhymed. I'm so lame.

I got in the list for the 100 free Evan stickers. Haha up to now I still can't believe it. I submitted my info like 9 hours after he posted the link, and I still got in. But it's probably all just a matter of perspective. If I were to sell them on ebay, which I will never ever ever do, no one would buy them. And my BMG shirt is overdue. Seriously.

I hate the fact that I'm sitting here waiting for you to do something, but I can't help it. Maybe I'm too sensitive, but making the first move will make me seem totally desperate, which, let's face it here- I am.

"It's amazing how I can talk about you for hours, but can never actually talk to you."

♥Hazel

You're Still An Innocent :)

Innocent is awesome.

I've been replaying it non-stop all day and I loveee it hahaha. Although when I try to find the actual footage of Swifty performing it, all I get is some people voicing out their reactions. Lame sauce.

It has been sometime since I last posted. I think I just got carried away with other things but I'll try to keep punctual. Like every week. Although the simple truth is that I got reminded to blog because of Evan's blog lol. He posted a really dark post that almost made me cry ;(

Okay so what's upp? Studying, studying and more studying. It all ends in a little more than 2 weeks though so it's not that bad. The first paper is composition for both languages on Friday. So I guess it's lucky that I just started writing a oneshot about Gale and Katniss? haha but I'm less that 3 paragraphs into it and knowing how I write, this oneshot will be long.

And random, but our class guitar's last string popped. But thanks to that I wrote a new riff on my own. No one is willing to pay to get the last string fixed for only 7 more weeks. Too bad for next year's class, they'll be stuck with that guitar for a year. And the class after that unless they fix it.

Btw, you are annoying.

& you know how you wish for something to happen and then instantly feel guilty/ashamed for that? That's basically the story of my life spanning these few weeks. I can easily imagine what I would say if he did that, but if he were to do that in real life I would be speechless and in shock. And then I tell myself it's never gonna happen, but somehow I end up back at the start again. It's a vicious cycle, really.

One last thing before this ends. We're all just emotional teenage girls in never ending crisises aren't we? Well, I don't wanna hear what you're upset about because you have everything. Literally everything. And it doesn't make me feel better to be talking to you and although it hurts, I think I'm just gonna ignore you for now. After all, you're only in on it for the company aren't you? I'll never be that close to you even if I try, and I don't wanna get hurt anymore.

♥hazel

What's uppp

Yay I'm back!

And I just finished uploading some overdue pictures in my camera. It always pays off to be the one that takes the photos because you can delete your unglams later on and post other peoples'. Hehehe. Can you say paparazzi much?

Today I went to YW's house to make teacher's day cards with Rad and Jamie. We were VERY unproductive, and I think in the end we only finished like three cards. Failll lol. We were slacking off on the computer and eating fried bee hoon and cheese tofu and drinking guava juice with egg mixed in it. hahaha.

I had bangs cut today! They look really awesome lolll. Other than that nothing much happened though.

I'm going to Sentosa tomorrow. Remember what I said in my previous post? Scratch that. I'm really excited haha. I haven't been to Sentosa/Vivo for more than a year because I have no life. >.>

& that reminds me that I haven't packed for tomorrow at all. The night is still young and I'm off to download some songs hehehe.

PS: I changed the blogskin. Pretty radd yeah?
♥hazel

I have no more excuses...

To stay away from here anymore. So first up: I gave up on the letter challenge. Surpriseee. The letters are kind of third degree and yeah. I'm a total loser.

Nexttt. So this is a warning for the coming post. I apologise if it's gonna be what you get when you're feeling down or whatever but I've been reading too much of Evan's blog lately so maybe that can explain this post. It's not dark or whatever but still I felt like I had to warn you. Here goes.

I think I'm confusing myself. One moment I think, hey, it's okay to _________ even though that happened last time. And what happened was good and it should have happened. But then an hour or so later I will start thinking, oh no, I can't do that, it's wayyy too embarrassing. So I don't know what's up with me. Did you understand that? Because I didn't lol.

Sometimes I wonder if maybe I had responded differently or been more daring or less daring would things turn out differently. Or maybe if I had made an effort. Would it make a difference? Or would things just be the same?

"Losing something is easy when you have nothing." I stole that off Ev's blog. (Btw I just made my wish. 11:11.) On the contrary, I would think it's harder. Although in theory, how can you lose something when you have nothing at all? That's only proving that you once thought that you had that something, only to discover that it's not yours at all. Same with if you feel betrayed, then that only proves that there was trust in the first place. All these things just make us as about transparent as glass.

So this Sunday I'm going to Sentosa with my cell. I'm hoping it'll be fun, and I'm not saying this cynically, but it probably won't. Call me pessimist if you must. And my 11:11 wish was somehow related to that.

I wish I had something that could help me see into the future, like for example if I make a choice, I get to see what that choice will result in, or if I say something, how the other person would react. Or maybe something that can tell me how things could have turned out if I did this or if I did that, etc. But I know that's entirely impossible so I'd better stop thinking about it.

I promise I won't be like this the next time I come back.

♥hazel

HIATUS ;(

Okay so this letter thing has become more of a drag than fun for me lately. My OCDness has been pestering me to get online everyday to post my blog and usually I feel so museless and so I write out really short letters. Maybe some of you guys reading my letters have absolutely no issue with that but I kind of do haha. Maybe I expect too much of myself but whatever. &&& Exams are coming up which gives me another excuse to stay away from here. So what's gonna happen is that I'll only update this on the weekends, namely Saturday and Sunday, and possibly Friday as well. Maybe the coming Monday as well since it's National Day? We'll see. No promises because I value quantity AND quality.

♥ lots,
hazel

Day 14- Someone I Have Drifted Away From

Day 14- August 1st 2010

Dear Kae,

Hi there. It was awesome knowing you and RP-ing with you. Although the time we knew each other was kind of short, we were really good friends. I kind of suck when it comes to long distance relationships as shown. I don't know how it ended but we kind of drifted as the days went on.
So now recently I tried emailing you and such but either you don't remember who I am or you aren't using that email account anymore. Or maybe you just don't go online anymore. It's been what, 2 years since we last talked and I kind of miss that tbh haha.

I miss you.

♥hazel