believe me.

why shouldn't i get to live life on the edge once in a while? i'm so sick of planning and scheduling and making lists and anticipating. why can't i just let them go and let things fall into place however they should? i'm so tired. i want to feel again. but no, i have to make sure everything is perfect.

it hurts to know, but not more than letting go.

screw her. just two and a half more terms. i can do this. i wish things didn't have to be this way, because some parts of this have truly been great. i love being a part of something that i don't have to work for, don't have to worry about. but unfortunately it comes with a price. and over the past few days i've realised that my thinking is absolutely, thoroughly and totally wrong. i'm not the only one, it's just that i dont know. who knows what they're hiding? it's great but sad at the same time, i wish things could be different.

sigh. i wish my mom would stop asking me. she obviously doesn't care anyway. she only cares about money, as tactless as that sounds, it's the truth.

paramore was here last night. i wanted to go, but because of physics i sadly couldn't. i trust that it was amazing and i will definitely go next time. oh well it's a long wait though. maybe not so long, but who knows?

ugh i despise ron with hermione. he's not right for her! JKR just did that so the golden trio'd be happily paired off and poor draco will be left alone. yup, we can all see how much she adores draco. on the contrary, i think that draco is just the right person for hermione. for one, he's actually the only eligible male that is on par with her intellectual level, as inferred by when his father asked him about his grades and his response which seemed to say that he was second to hermione. all i can see hermione doing in about 10 years after marrying ron is being bored out of her skull at the burrows with a brood of red haired weasleys that have hopefully inherited her intellectual ability. enough said.

so this song just came on. and i remember random words and things associated with that experience:

railings. spilt bubble tea. pathways. camp. ladders. double decker beds. white ceiling. darkness. blankets. mattress. hoodie. purple. spectacle case. earphones. not enough. everybody hurts. april. march 14th.

'everybody hurts, but it's not enough', or 'it's not enough, but everybody hurts'? you decide.

much love,
♥hazel