"hush hush the world is quiet. hush hush we both can't fight it."
I've realized how unhappy my posts are so this will be a positive one. As positive as it can get, anyway.
TGIF! this week as been alrightish but busy. class tests, cramming for CTs, frantic revision, you get the picture. i hate how fast time passes. in the blink of an eye you'll be gone and you'll leave me behind for another year. sigh. but all good things have to end in order for even better things to happen. my story got more reviews this week, but not as much as i expected, hopefully it'll get better as i post more.
so thankful that i found my capo. i didn't realise until i lost it how many songs i couldn't play without it and i was so desperate that i used a pencil and rubber band but then that failed since my pencil broke D: youtube lies to me. and yes, my acoustic's strings are that awesome.
i found this new awesome youtuber that covers GL songs and so i learnt what the hell off her :) if i have time this coming week or next i'm planning to learn smile(if it doesn't prove too difficult), stop standing there, push, complete me and maybe some others. now that i have my capo back i feel i can play any song :D gahhh it irritates me that i can't play not enough. the intro is freaking hard but that's my favourite part of my favourite song :'( damnnnn why does evan like stringed intros/bridges so much? but they take the song to a whole other level though.
why am i letting him affect me so much all of a sudden? ridiculous. i'm ridiculous.
"well you thought of straight big solutions. but i like the tension and not always knowing the answers."
i hope everything turns out okay.
♥ always,
hazel
Friday, July 29, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
the story of me and you.
i've probably already used this title before but who cares.
you wanna move on, we're righting the wrong, it's never been easy. we're not giving up, it's gonna be tough, but baby believe me.
this relationship has gone askew. it feels so messed up and so damaged that i don't think we can ever recover anymore. sometimes i ask myself how this all began and i honestly cannot remember. maybe it's been building up for a while, just waiting for the chance to break down. i miss how we were before. i really want to fix everything but it's so hard. it's so much easier to just let this be. i wish i had this switch that i could control and just turn off all my emotions.
even though i claim to be a writer sometimes i just can't find the words to express myself anymore but he does it so perfectly so i'm gonna let him.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWjCz6mUVuQ
♥ always,
hazel.
you wanna move on, we're righting the wrong, it's never been easy. we're not giving up, it's gonna be tough, but baby believe me.
this relationship has gone askew. it feels so messed up and so damaged that i don't think we can ever recover anymore. sometimes i ask myself how this all began and i honestly cannot remember. maybe it's been building up for a while, just waiting for the chance to break down. i miss how we were before. i really want to fix everything but it's so hard. it's so much easier to just let this be. i wish i had this switch that i could control and just turn off all my emotions.
even though i claim to be a writer sometimes i just can't find the words to express myself anymore but he does it so perfectly so i'm gonna let him.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWjCz6mUVuQ
♥ always,
hazel.
numb
so well, I'm tired of being reliable. why don't i try being unreliable sometime and see how you guys cope? it's time to learn some independence, kids. otherwise, i wash my hands of you. you can do what you like from now on, how does that sound? i really would, if not for someone who convinced me not to. For now i'll just let them take care of it. just for now. I know i shouldn't be doing this to her but i can't handle it, really.
I wonder if she had the same thing happen to her? maybe i'm just too weak and not much of a leader to begin with so that's why she has to step in. honestly, at this point i dont care anymore because it's just too tiring to pick up after them. maybe i should be less emotionally attached and compartmentalise my emotions from my work. never mind if they hate me (which they already do) but at least i wont be disappointed. that sounds like a good strategy right?
but i'm grateful, to say the least. everytime i think we've reached the end of our rope she goes on and surprises me more. so maybe this is the good thing about not expecting anything, let people surprise you instead. much less baggage to carry around too. so to you, who's reading this right now, go on. surprise me, make my day.
well maybe i should let go but it's not my fault that i have such amazing seniors right?
♥ always,
hazel
I wonder if she had the same thing happen to her? maybe i'm just too weak and not much of a leader to begin with so that's why she has to step in. honestly, at this point i dont care anymore because it's just too tiring to pick up after them. maybe i should be less emotionally attached and compartmentalise my emotions from my work. never mind if they hate me (which they already do) but at least i wont be disappointed. that sounds like a good strategy right?
but i'm grateful, to say the least. everytime i think we've reached the end of our rope she goes on and surprises me more. so maybe this is the good thing about not expecting anything, let people surprise you instead. much less baggage to carry around too. so to you, who's reading this right now, go on. surprise me, make my day.
well maybe i should let go but it's not my fault that i have such amazing seniors right?
♥ always,
hazel
Thursday, July 14, 2011
here we go again.
It's really funny how things work sometimes.
Let's start with the very beginning of this horrible day. First of all, it's Thursday and that alone isn't good news. I don't really want to talk about it anymore so let's just say that asdfghjkl happened. (ugh by the way i keep wanting to plug in my laptop but i realise at the same time that my charger is all the way across the room and i don't wanna go get it. but hey, that's what batteries are for right?) alright so... all i can say is that i have no more respect for you. Maybe I did in the beginning, a small scrap of it but now that's gone too.
I was really pleased when they all showed up on time today. So it was really unusual but PTL for that :) when everything was over... i wasn't just disappointed by what she said to us, or even what she did. it was what she overlooked. the girls doing it today made a huge load of effort, and i should know. they showed up early on tuesday when they could've slept in, showed up on time today when they could've been late. can't you freaking acknowledge that? i mean, i was once like you too, but after a while i've come to realise that you can't expect too much of them, or else you'll be the one that's disappointed. why don't you take a walk in my shoes for a second, see how it's like for me to be balancing things on both ends? and please. don't think you know everything, because you really don't. praising Him is a matter of whether we want to or not, and it doesn't have to be perfect. because it's the thought that counts.
And believe it or not, even if i'm in exco: i'm still human, and i make mistakes. It's not fair how just because you're sleeping your lazy ass in and don't see the effort we put in then you automatically assume that we didn't put in any effort at all. I don't know, maybe it's from years of expecting too much from these girls that you always come to expect the worst. I don't think that last sentence made any sense so let's move on.
Alright so... it's the 14TH OF JULY! Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 is out today! and i'm watching on sunday :) although i think it won't go well with ben, maybe we should try to cover and say we're watching monte carlo instead?
Speaking of the 14th... can you remember what happened 4 months ago? today i was awake and replaying the events in my head when i realised it doesn't hurt so much anymore. so imagine my confundedness when i saw what happened on facebook just an hour ago. they're over? are they over for good? did they even start? the most important question is: do i want them to be over? but... two weeks ago they were perfectly fine. why does she have to do this to him? it's not fair. it's not fair when she makes him wait and then says that they can't do this anymore. it's so confusing on about a hundred different levels.
by the way, during the course of typing this, i've decided that i won't cover up for their mistakes anymore. they need to learn a lesson. and where can i find a better person to do that than our dearest lovely ______? she will certainly put them in their place because that's what she does best, isn't it? and i've been on duty nearly everyday since school started. i think it's only fair that i not be there until it's my duty for real. and i'm not going to show up on tuesdays either. they don't practice? their fault. you want to make sure they do? sure, be my guest, but i'm not going to be the one sacrificing my sleep for them when you clearly don't appreciate it. it's about freaking time you showed us how much of a leader you really are by stepping up and leading us instead of throwing it all to me. screw this.
mmm. his lovely eyes. i could die happy in those beautiful gray eyes ♥
♥always,
hazel
Let's start with the very beginning of this horrible day. First of all, it's Thursday and that alone isn't good news. I don't really want to talk about it anymore so let's just say that asdfghjkl happened. (ugh by the way i keep wanting to plug in my laptop but i realise at the same time that my charger is all the way across the room and i don't wanna go get it. but hey, that's what batteries are for right?) alright so... all i can say is that i have no more respect for you. Maybe I did in the beginning, a small scrap of it but now that's gone too.
I was really pleased when they all showed up on time today. So it was really unusual but PTL for that :) when everything was over... i wasn't just disappointed by what she said to us, or even what she did. it was what she overlooked. the girls doing it today made a huge load of effort, and i should know. they showed up early on tuesday when they could've slept in, showed up on time today when they could've been late. can't you freaking acknowledge that? i mean, i was once like you too, but after a while i've come to realise that you can't expect too much of them, or else you'll be the one that's disappointed. why don't you take a walk in my shoes for a second, see how it's like for me to be balancing things on both ends? and please. don't think you know everything, because you really don't. praising Him is a matter of whether we want to or not, and it doesn't have to be perfect. because it's the thought that counts.
And believe it or not, even if i'm in exco: i'm still human, and i make mistakes. It's not fair how just because you're sleeping your lazy ass in and don't see the effort we put in then you automatically assume that we didn't put in any effort at all. I don't know, maybe it's from years of expecting too much from these girls that you always come to expect the worst. I don't think that last sentence made any sense so let's move on.
Alright so... it's the 14TH OF JULY! Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 is out today! and i'm watching on sunday :) although i think it won't go well with ben, maybe we should try to cover and say we're watching monte carlo instead?
Speaking of the 14th... can you remember what happened 4 months ago? today i was awake and replaying the events in my head when i realised it doesn't hurt so much anymore. so imagine my confundedness when i saw what happened on facebook just an hour ago. they're over? are they over for good? did they even start? the most important question is: do i want them to be over? but... two weeks ago they were perfectly fine. why does she have to do this to him? it's not fair. it's not fair when she makes him wait and then says that they can't do this anymore. it's so confusing on about a hundred different levels.
by the way, during the course of typing this, i've decided that i won't cover up for their mistakes anymore. they need to learn a lesson. and where can i find a better person to do that than our dearest lovely ______? she will certainly put them in their place because that's what she does best, isn't it? and i've been on duty nearly everyday since school started. i think it's only fair that i not be there until it's my duty for real. and i'm not going to show up on tuesdays either. they don't practice? their fault. you want to make sure they do? sure, be my guest, but i'm not going to be the one sacrificing my sleep for them when you clearly don't appreciate it. it's about freaking time you showed us how much of a leader you really are by stepping up and leading us instead of throwing it all to me. screw this.
mmm. his lovely eyes. i could die happy in those beautiful gray eyes ♥
♥always,
hazel
Friday, June 24, 2011
what am i doing?
waiiiiiiiiit it's been such a long time since i was here so i might need a moment or so.
okay. it's funny how much things can change in a few short weeks and i would have never seen it coming. Mm well i don't know if you've heard but change isn't exactly my best friend. The thing is i can't stand how fake you all were being when you talked to me and i think we all knew what exactly was going on.
oh hey hazel, what's up??
Well, what's up is your lying ass. Plural. Singular. It means the same thing so yeah. Ugh I never ever thought in a million years thought you'd do this. And you expect me to act normal? Yeah, well, we'll see how freaking normal I can act.
And I can't stand how you all ignore her like she's that piece of filthy pond scum you can't risk touching or else you'll turn into things like that. What right do you, of all people, get to judge? I have to admit before this I'd never thought I'd ever write this paragraph but back then I thought this would never happen so we're fair. At least she doesn't pretend like you.
All three of you talked to me before that so it's not a question of whose fault it is. I love seeing people lie when I know the truth. Yup. What could you do? You could have done wayyy more than what you did. Which was playing innocent and invite me to something so I'd never suspect. Well... I'm not that stupid.
but tom has too much thermal energy for his own good. ♥ seriously, google him and you'll get a heart attack ;)
♥always,
hazel
okay. it's funny how much things can change in a few short weeks and i would have never seen it coming. Mm well i don't know if you've heard but change isn't exactly my best friend. The thing is i can't stand how fake you all were being when you talked to me and i think we all knew what exactly was going on.
oh hey hazel, what's up??
Well, what's up is your lying ass. Plural. Singular. It means the same thing so yeah. Ugh I never ever thought in a million years thought you'd do this. And you expect me to act normal? Yeah, well, we'll see how freaking normal I can act.
And I can't stand how you all ignore her like she's that piece of filthy pond scum you can't risk touching or else you'll turn into things like that. What right do you, of all people, get to judge? I have to admit before this I'd never thought I'd ever write this paragraph but back then I thought this would never happen so we're fair. At least she doesn't pretend like you.
All three of you talked to me before that so it's not a question of whose fault it is. I love seeing people lie when I know the truth. Yup. What could you do? You could have done wayyy more than what you did. Which was playing innocent and invite me to something so I'd never suspect. Well... I'm not that stupid.
but tom has too much thermal energy for his own good. ♥ seriously, google him and you'll get a heart attack ;)
♥always,
hazel
Thursday, May 26, 2011
careful.
shut up. you don't know what it was like. we can only go so far, but i won't let you judge me. unless you've been in my shoes. and have walked a mile in them. and only when you're a mile away and have my shoes. have you been there, done that? if not, just keep it down. it's ridiculous? yeah. i'm ridiculous sometimes. deal with it.
i'm not even gonna bother replying. i'll probably regret it later but right now i dont care. you don't know how hard it is. i hope you know you went too far. but if no one's there to tell you, how would you know?
did you really think that would help? please. if you dont have anything nice to say, don't say it.
whatever. i tried to not let myself commit too much but obviously i dont listen to instructions. not even when they come from myself. fine. i have trust issues. so what? everyone has some issues of sort. don't judge me. if you are, see above.
it feels like two months ago.
but i'll just ✖‿✖ .
♥ always,
hazel.
i'm not even gonna bother replying. i'll probably regret it later but right now i dont care. you don't know how hard it is. i hope you know you went too far. but if no one's there to tell you, how would you know?
did you really think that would help? please. if you dont have anything nice to say, don't say it.
whatever. i tried to not let myself commit too much but obviously i dont listen to instructions. not even when they come from myself. fine. i have trust issues. so what? everyone has some issues of sort. don't judge me. if you are, see above.
it feels like two months ago.
but i'll just ✖‿✖ .
♥ always,
hazel.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
thank you.
having a fresh perspective on things really makes it a lot easier because for this one she actually knows him personally, shares my mutual 'hate' for him, although i can't decide if i love or hate him, but still, and is amazing to talk to. thanks :)
i know i'm being unfair, but i deserve to right? it's been 68 days. no improvement. i guess it was over zealous of me to expect to recover from 2 years in 2 months. forget you. for now. it's freaking damn hard to let go and sometimes i dont want to. why should i? just because you like someone else(plural)? but then again, you were never mine to start with, so letting go should be easier than it seems. if only.
OCIP is in a little more than a week!!!!!!!!!!! ♪ haha i'm so excited although i have a million things that i have to do before, which does not include packing btw. i really really hope it goes well. my group is doing the bulk of the projects and only 3 people in the so called group are actually working so yeah. thanks a lot. i hope all the past 2-1 people can bunk together, it's gonna be so much fun :)
Avoid with a capital A. and what did that give me? she asked me that and i was at a loss for words. i can't exactly say closure, because i know that up to now i still dont have it. some time to heal i guess? but i know that time is not enough. i need something else, but i dont know what it is and i dont think anyone can tell me either. like she said, it's my choice. i wish it didnt have to be. can someone help me run my life now?
it's so hard to let go.
this coming week is short. four days and i'm looking forward to thursday. i hope we'll be able to get all the OCIP preparations done in time though.
"it's not enough, it's not enough, to get me what it is i want. and i wish it was. i think it's time to give this up."
and he said, "i'll spear your heart for breakfast."
♥ always,
hazel
i know i'm being unfair, but i deserve to right? it's been 68 days. no improvement. i guess it was over zealous of me to expect to recover from 2 years in 2 months. forget you. for now. it's freaking damn hard to let go and sometimes i dont want to. why should i? just because you like someone else(plural)? but then again, you were never mine to start with, so letting go should be easier than it seems. if only.
OCIP is in a little more than a week!!!!!!!!!!! ♪ haha i'm so excited although i have a million things that i have to do before, which does not include packing btw. i really really hope it goes well. my group is doing the bulk of the projects and only 3 people in the so called group are actually working so yeah. thanks a lot. i hope all the past 2-1 people can bunk together, it's gonna be so much fun :)
Avoid with a capital A. and what did that give me? she asked me that and i was at a loss for words. i can't exactly say closure, because i know that up to now i still dont have it. some time to heal i guess? but i know that time is not enough. i need something else, but i dont know what it is and i dont think anyone can tell me either. like she said, it's my choice. i wish it didnt have to be. can someone help me run my life now?
it's so hard to let go.
this coming week is short. four days and i'm looking forward to thursday. i hope we'll be able to get all the OCIP preparations done in time though.
"it's not enough, it's not enough, to get me what it is i want. and i wish it was. i think it's time to give this up."
and he said, "i'll spear your heart for breakfast."
♥ always,
hazel
Monday, May 16, 2011
we're paying with love tonight.
our exchanges are limited, but when they happen, they're totally worth it.
So... i'm not really sure what happened last weekend but I'll try my best to untangle my thoughts. Let's start on Saturday. I was so caught up with celebrating Complicated's 9th year anniversary that I totally forgot something else that happened on that day exactly two months ago. another way in which Avril wins. :) So saturday passed uneventfully and i only realised about it the next day, and of course i had to go to church. melanie came with me and to cut a long story short, it was terrible. i dont ever wanna go back there again because i dont want to get hurt anymore. even melanie told me to get out of that place and i'm starting to think i should too. but where to?
I don't want to see his stupid jerkface ever again. he's such a three timer. in chinese they have that saying where both of your legs straddle two boats, but in this case he seems to have three legs. i hope he's an ugly octopus by the end of his life. jerkkk. he ruined my whole day but then later i just forgot about it, because such a lame, proud and stupid guy like him doesn't deserve my attention.
The good point out of my whole Sunday was that i went to get contacts and i managed to get them on in about 5ish mins. yayyyy :) so then after that i rushed home and tried to do homework, but i was too distracted by our mutual hate for a certain boy, even though hers was totally non BGRish but still, it's something right?
And so now i'm starting to see why she(totally someone else that i hate/hated) wanted to wait, and i totally think she's making the right choice, but it'd be better if she didnt like him at all. no one should like such a jerk. he even tries to limit my vocabulary, but i admit i haven't had much experience in describing such people.
Okay we're over with that. Today I got back bio and missed my A by 0.2 marks, but oh well. what can i do. Avril, it's all your fault. JKJK i never regretted seeing her.
i really really dont want to bring it up anymore. because the last time i did so you got totally angry at me, as if it's my fault that you're ignoring us, as if i have to pay for a mistake that you made. and i just want to tell you that it's not her fault. it's YOURS. all completely YOURS. so stop telling her what mistake YOU made, because what part of your mistake that she made, she's already made up for it. you? you're all words, no action. you said you'd change. heck, i don't even remember that. you just got so angry and guilt tripped me into forgiving you.
whatever. i feel like punching both of you in the face. maybe you should just get together, one jerk, and one hypocrite. makes a good match, no?
♥always,
hazel
So... i'm not really sure what happened last weekend but I'll try my best to untangle my thoughts. Let's start on Saturday. I was so caught up with celebrating Complicated's 9th year anniversary that I totally forgot something else that happened on that day exactly two months ago. another way in which Avril wins. :) So saturday passed uneventfully and i only realised about it the next day, and of course i had to go to church. melanie came with me and to cut a long story short, it was terrible. i dont ever wanna go back there again because i dont want to get hurt anymore. even melanie told me to get out of that place and i'm starting to think i should too. but where to?
I don't want to see his stupid jerkface ever again. he's such a three timer. in chinese they have that saying where both of your legs straddle two boats, but in this case he seems to have three legs. i hope he's an ugly octopus by the end of his life. jerkkk. he ruined my whole day but then later i just forgot about it, because such a lame, proud and stupid guy like him doesn't deserve my attention.
The good point out of my whole Sunday was that i went to get contacts and i managed to get them on in about 5ish mins. yayyyy :) so then after that i rushed home and tried to do homework, but i was too distracted by our mutual hate for a certain boy, even though hers was totally non BGRish but still, it's something right?
And so now i'm starting to see why she(totally someone else that i hate/hated) wanted to wait, and i totally think she's making the right choice, but it'd be better if she didnt like him at all. no one should like such a jerk. he even tries to limit my vocabulary, but i admit i haven't had much experience in describing such people.
Okay we're over with that. Today I got back bio and missed my A by 0.2 marks, but oh well. what can i do. Avril, it's all your fault. JKJK i never regretted seeing her.
i really really dont want to bring it up anymore. because the last time i did so you got totally angry at me, as if it's my fault that you're ignoring us, as if i have to pay for a mistake that you made. and i just want to tell you that it's not her fault. it's YOURS. all completely YOURS. so stop telling her what mistake YOU made, because what part of your mistake that she made, she's already made up for it. you? you're all words, no action. you said you'd change. heck, i don't even remember that. you just got so angry and guilt tripped me into forgiving you.
whatever. i feel like punching both of you in the face. maybe you should just get together, one jerk, and one hypocrite. makes a good match, no?
♥always,
hazel
Monday, May 09, 2011
SMILE
Avril was so fan-freaking-tabulous i feel like jumping off a building.
Thennn someone, couldn't see his face played WYG and Avril sat on the piano to sing for us :D And then she proceeded to play Stop Standing There on piano. After that she sang I Love You, Wish You Were Here and she covered Airplanes by B.o.B plus My Happy Ending. I loveddd her guitars, one was the checkered black and white one, the other was the pink one :D
BUT WAIT! The crowd started yelling 'encore' and after like 5 mins she came back out!!! I think that was planned but yeah. Then she did an acapella version of WTH where we sang/yelled with her. After that was the wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy hyped up Girlfriend and that was, truly the last song :(
LOVE HER ♥
That was my calm sentence. now for my uncontrolled sentence. AHHHHHHHHHHHH NCSDFHEUWE I CANT BELIEVE I SAW HER TODAY SHE'S SO AMAZING AND AWESOME AND PRETTY AND TALENTED AND SHE LOVES US AND WE LOVE HER AND YAY.
Okay. Okay. So she was on time today! Can't believe it. It started with Bad Reputation video intro and then she went into Black Star. She was holding one of those green star light up things, so ahmazingggg. Then after she went into What The Hell, then Sk8r Boi, then He Wasn't, I Always Get What I Want, and then she went to change :D
When she came out again the whole stage was totally covered in fog and then she did Alice! After the song she was like " haha i'm glad that's over, i couldn't see anything, could you?" So adorableeee! ♥ Then a short break and Jim and Steve did a mashup of Unwanted, and Freak Out guitar solos. they were so talented hahaha.
Thennn someone, couldn't see his face played WYG and Avril sat on the piano to sing for us :D And then she proceeded to play Stop Standing There on piano. After that she sang I Love You, Wish You Were Here and she covered Airplanes by B.o.B plus My Happy Ending. I loveddd her guitars, one was the checkered black and white one, the other was the pink one :D
After that was Don't Tell Me, and I'm With You, and last(sort of) COMPLICATEDDDD. she didn't even sing half of that song, we sang it for her :D then she said goodnight and went backstage. and some girls pushed their way out to go and wait for her at the exits.
BUT WAIT! The crowd started yelling 'encore' and after like 5 mins she came back out!!! I think that was planned but yeah. Then she did an acapella version of WTH where we sang/yelled with her. After that was the wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy hyped up Girlfriend and that was, truly the last song :(
I got a shirt today. it looks official even though it's not, and it was only $13!! Compared to the prices there. 50 freaking bucks for a shirt. talk about overpriced. but i got a glowstick though! and that was kind of reasonable.
ignore the hand below :/
LOVE HER ♥
♥ always,
hazel
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
