니가 뭔데

Finally it's my last day of work!!!!!!!! ahhhhh I'm so happy and relieved that it's over.

Nothing much happened at work today, I was mostly just clearing up my stuff and tying up loose ends. So it's safe to say I didn't really have much to do and just sat at my desk playing quizup (not so secretly) and texting.

Lunch was awful though. I had a farewell lunch with most of my team members and they are all awful. They're the kind of people who will smile while insulting you and laugh while making jokes at your expense. All I can say is that they made me feel so so so intimidated (and it's not just bc of the huge age gap) that I can't seem to say anything but the same few sentences again and again. Ugh. I really felt like a potato sitting there and smiling along, and they made me feel really inept and unsociable. I had some really insensitive comments thrown my way but I tried my best to ignore them (bc really, what could I do?) and a lot of questions asking me where I'm headed for uni. 

To be honest it's not that I don't want to share with them. It's just that, uni becomes the only topic they can talk to me about, and it's tiring. I'm way more than my future school/course/job, can't you find something else to talk to me about? I guess maybe it's an easy topic which doesn't require much effort. Well then I guess I won't put in that much effort into our conversation then, sounds fair doesn't it? 

As much as I've complained about the awful people at my job (those who are rude as hell, ungrateful, etc) there are some nice people I've met and I'm truly thankful for this opportunity. We all meet undesirable people in life no matter where we go, but what's important is that we have those few people to support us and share our burdens. And really, even though it doesn't change anything at all, everything is so much better :) I've learnt so many things over the past six months. 

One of them is to always be careful about what you say, bc word travels far and fast. And once you say something, you can't take it back or change it. People in the workplace aren't always what they seem. In fact, the only two mothers in my team are the least motherly of them all. They don't know how to treat others as they would like to be treated, have no sense of respect, and feel that they are superior above all. But I don't see why they have to be mean to those younger than them. Everyone you meet is someone else's flesh and blood, and I'm sure it would kill them inside to know that they are being mistreated by someone older than them, when they should be taken care of instead. 

I've really learnt a lot about an office job. Originally I thought it was easy, all I had to do was sit there and do whatever was assigned to me, but there's so much more than that. Personal affairs become mixed up with work, and you can't do anything but ignore it on the surface and pretend it doesn't exist for the sake of being professional. Precisely the reason why I was so hesitant to get close to anyone at work, because I thought it was risky mixing business with pleasure. I still am cautious, to be honest because I don't know where the line is drawn, and I think it would be best to err on the side of caution and never approach that line ever, wherever it's drawn. (did that make sense?) 

I don't really know what to do with your number. Would I ever have a reason to use it? And I don't want to be the first one to message (but in this situation the opposite is impossible since you gave me yours) because I don't really know what we would talk about. Yet I don't really want to just drop it either because I feel like you gave it to me for a reason, just that I don't really know what it is? You said "If you need anything, just ask." What does that even mean? Like advice, or something? Ugh I don't know. The generation/age gap between us makes it really hard for me to relate to you. 

So I guess that's about it for this week? I had to cancel my Korea trip :( but the good news is that we're getting an almost full refund :)) Nothing much coming up in the next few weeks other than some me time (FINALLY), settling my mountain load of uni stuff, my NTU health check up, HSS camp (hopefully?? I have yet to receive any news about it ugh) and some other plans. I'll keep you posted!!

❤️always, 

Hazel